Losing a beloved pet can be very difficult to cope with, especially if you have to make the painful decision to put them to sleep.
KEY POINTS:
- Feeling sad after losing a pet is completely normal, no matter how it happened. Whether your furry friend passed away naturally, in an accident, or had to be put to sleep, grief is a natural part of saying goodbye.
- Studies exploring the experience of grieving pet loss have identified five key themes: the deep bonds between humans and their pets, the complex emotions of grief, feelings of guilt, the importance of support networks, and considerations about the future of pet ownership.
- Dealing with the loss of a pet can be tough, mainly because society often doesn't recognize the depth of our grief, and there's often guilt associated with making the difficult decision to euthanize a beloved pet.
Studies indicate that owning a pet can have positive effects on both physical and mental well-being. Additionally, engaging with service animals, which aid individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses, seems to offer similar benefits.
Sadly, these connections can come to an abrupt or heartbreaking end, such as when a beloved pet passes away or a service animal needs to be euthanized. Just like with any significant loss, it's natural to go through a period of pain and mourning. However, grieving the loss of a pet brings its own set of difficulties. One challenge is the absence of widely accepted burial customs, along with the issue of disenfranchised grief, where the sorrow isn't recognized or publicly mourned by society.
In the upcoming journal Death Studies, researchers Cleary and colleagues delve into how individuals cope with the loss of a pet. This comprehensive study, comprising 17 investigations, involved 2,331 participants, predominantly females, aged between 18 and 91 years. The majority of participants were owners of dogs and cats.
Following a data analysis, 5 themes were found:
1. Relationship with the pet
One recurring topic was how significant the connection is between humans and their pets or service animals, such as guide dogs.
This strong bond stems from pets being there during pivotal moments in life, like divorce or miscarriage. They offer unwavering love and acceptance, fulfill their owners' needs by providing companionship and reducing stress, and act as reliable allies during challenging times.
Many pet owners find it incredibly challenging to imagine replacing a beloved pet, much like one couldn't replace a child. For some, their bond with their pet revolves around caring for them and finding fulfillment and happiness in the responsibility of being a pet parent. Others view their relationship with their pets as a source of support, whether through assistance animals aiding their handlers' independence or simply providing companionship during lonely or difficult times, such as illness recovery.
2. Grieving pet loss
Pet owners experienced a range of grief symptoms, both emotional and physical, such as feeling empty and losing appetite. The intensity of grief varied based on factors like the owner's responsibilities, past experiences with pet loss, and the type of animal lost—losing a dog or cat was often more distressing than losing a fish or snake.
Different reactions to grief were observed, including avoidance and attempting to replace the lost pet. Some viewed grief as a natural extension of their love and bond with their deceased pet.
Participants used various methods to feel the presence of their departed pets, like performing burial rituals, creating home altars, writing poetry, making donations, keeping their pet's belongings, and dedicating time to reminisce about their pets.
3. Animal euthanasia and guilt
Deciding to euthanize a beloved pet with a terminal illness and a declining quality of life is never easy. Even when it seems like the most compassionate choice, it can weigh heavily on the hearts of pet owners.
Many people who have made this decision have experienced feelings of guilt and self-blame afterward. Even those who were confident in their decision still felt a deep sense of sadness at the loss of their furry friend. It's not uncommon for pet owners to experience anticipatory grief as well, especially when they've been mentally preparing themselves for the inevitability of euthanasia. This might involve giving their pet extra treats, allowing them to sleep in their bed more often, or other special gestures to cherish their remaining time together.
4. Support networks
Many people who have lost a pet find talking about their feelings with others to be very helpful during their grieving process. This could include talking with friends, family, counselors, social workers, and especially veterinarians. Unfortunately, not all pet owners felt their veterinarians were supportive. Some people criticized their vets for having poor communication skills, lacking compassion, or making questionable decisions about diagnosis, treatment, and pain management.
Support groups were another source of comfort for grieving pet owners. These groups provided a safe space to share their feelings and connect with others who understood their pain. The strong social connections within these groups helped validate the depth of their grief and also offered distractions, giving them less time to dwell on their loss.
5. The future
Some people who lost a pet found surprising benefits during their grieving process. These positive lessons included developing "perseverance and resilience," feeling "closer to family and others," and a "stronger appreciation of life." They also reported cherishing memories of their pet and finding personal strength through the experience.
However, not everyone had a positive experience. Some people struggled to move on, feeling stuck in grief and depression. Triggers like dog parks could bring back intense sadness, and some even questioned their faith after the loss.
For those who relied on their pets for assistance with chronic health conditions, getting a new pet was often inevitable. However, even in this group, rushing into getting a new companion could lead to feelings of guilt.
Ultimately, people's decisions about future pets vary. Some felt they could never replace their lost pet, while others felt a strong need for animal companionship in their lives. Some hoped a new pet would "fill the void," but others saw it as a new chapter rather than a replacement.
How to cope with losing a pet
Losing a pet can be incredibly painful. It's important to remember that grief is a natural response to any significant loss, and losing a beloved pet is no different. Don't feel pressured to rush through your grieving process. Allow yourself the time and space you need to feel your emotions.
Guilt is also a common feeling when a pet dies, whether it happens naturally or you have to make the difficult decision of euthanasia. It's important to be kind to yourself during this time.
If you're struggling to cope with the loss on your own, there are resources available to help. Consider joining a pet loss support group to connect with others who understand your pain. Talking to a therapist or social worker can also be beneficial. There are even self-help books available, some specifically designed to help children deal with pet loss.
Most importantly, remember to take care of yourself while you grieve. Eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, and don't be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, or professionals.
FAQ
- Allow yourself to grieve.
- Create a memorial.
- Seek support from loved ones.
- Consider counseling or support groups.
- You learn to cope and cherish memories, but the pain may linger.
- Express condolences.
- Share fond memories.
- Offer support.
- How do I acknowledge the loss of a pet?
- Hold a memorial.
- Write a tribute.
- Create a special place for remembrance.